I’m Leaving My Husband and Living in a Van

If there was an award for click bait titles, this would be in the running. Although there is a lot of truth hidden in the nine words above, they aren’t entirely accurate. Consider this more of a manifestation of intention. I am turning my van life Dream into a goal. But first, story time.

A few weeks ago an old friend fell back into my life. While catching up, he joked about how he didn’t think I would end up living this current life. You know, as a stay at home mom in a suburb. He literally said, “I figured you’d be living in a van.” This hit me in the gut.

Y’all… van life has been my dream since before it was trendy and cool. Living solo, hiking every mountain range, visiting all 50 states (well, probably like 48), and keeping a minimal, low waste and sustainable lifestyle… my dream. It is not, and has never been my husband’s dream. In fact, he is very much on the opposite end of the lifestyle. He collects excessive electronics, has no regards for packaging, and insisted on a two story, 3+ bedroom house. We’ve collected so much nonsense over the past two years simply to fill in the space. Commercialism at its finest.

Van life has only ever been a dream. And I’m tired of just dreaming. It’s time to make it a goal, make a plan, and do it.

So today I decided that I am starting a new journey. I am going to chase that best life I once had, just me and my cats in a van. And possibly a sassy redheaded kiddo, but that’s going to require custody details to be sorted out and my mind isn’t ready for those considerations yet. Instead of just chasing joy, I am en route to chasing me dreams once again.  

Lie #1: I’m not leaving me husband technically he’s leaving me

To put it bluntly- my marriage is over. I have another blog post in the works explaining how the covid-19 quarantine finally pushed us to the brink. But basically, we were married for all the wrong reasons. We were never actually in love, just friends who became roommates with a child despite foundational differences in worldview and lifestyle.

Despite this, I’m not actually the one leaving him. He initiated it all on his own. I was blissfully ignorant with the problems between us. Sure, we argued. But spent every couple? The differences were too much for him to continue. So in dramatic fashion he said, “See ya” and started staying at a friend’s house. He contacted the lawyer. He’s making the ultimatums. I’m just flashing a smile and singing the paperwork when necessary. 

Queue the minor panic attack, when I ponder it all late at night. I have not worked a traditional 9-5 style job since 2013. I have no personal savings, nor a steady stream of income. I’ve relied on him financially since I got pregnant, when we mutually decided it was better for Sassy to have a stay at home parent. Now I’m expected to find a new place to live, and a job (during this global pandemic and unprecedented unemployment) and start over. Anxiety is pressing 110%, and honestly I still don’t want to believe it.  

But then I hear that little whisper, reminding me of my van life dream.

 
 
 
 
 
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Which brings us to my next lie.

Lie #2: I’m not actually moving into a van, yet.

My life is in shambles. I can’t just pick up the pieces and become a nomad straight out the gate of separation. Before I can even consider moving into the van, I need to have all my rubber ducks in a row. I need to actually purchase a van, and then customize it to my needs (which means have a plan for my needs). Speaking of plans, I’ll need to layout exactly how I plan to live. How will I make money, where will I go, how long will I stay at each place? I need to figure out shopping, laundry, cooking, and receiving mail. Then I’ll need establish an income stream that can sustain while living on the road. Blogging is great, but the paychecks are few and far between. This isn’t a transition that occurs over night.

And before any of that, I have to legally be separated, or probably divorced first. And during that, I need to keep custody in mind. Do I take her, leave her, alternate? There are so many questions that need to be answered before the actual move into a van can occur. 

But today is day 1 of making this dream a goal. I and putting it on paper, giving it a deadline, prepping the financial aspect, and whether it takes me a year ends up being longer, I will not quit my daydream.

The Van Life Logistics

There are obviously hundreds of details that need to be looked into, but here are the first five things on my mind when I think about making my van life dream a reality. 

  1. First and foremost, I need to deal with the immediate separation. This means housing and job. I can’t focus on my future until I escape my present. I will be designing a vision board as soon as possible, to keep this goal on the forefront of my mind as I navigate the next 6 months.
  2. Then saving the money. Vans need to be purchased, then converted. There is significant overhead upfront, and I would like to pay as much in cash as possible. This will keep my credit cards clear for emergencies. I will probably start a separate bank account just for van savings.
  3. And since I am a blogger, although I will continue to use this blog as normal for general lifestyle, I feel called to record my van life journey. This means I will be launching a new set of platform. I need a name! It probably shouldn’t include Symons, since that is my married name. But Symons is absolutely staying here, because the blog name is mine until I die.
  4. Van research. There are so many options to choose from. Do I want a box van, or bus. Should I buy it new, or refurb, and DIY it? Or find out already outfit for living?
  5. The Cats. Are they coming with me, or staying at a home base? I don’t know if I want to deal with litter on the road. 

If you have any van life or nomad accounts you follow, please please please drop their social media or blogs in the comments. I need all the research and help I can get. Also, hold me accountable. Ask me for updates, so I don’t stop working towards this.  I truly appreciate it, and look forward to updating you on every step of this bumpy trail. Let’s hope I don’t trip and fall. 

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Do you like getting to know me a little deeper? Check out some other personal posts, which I call me Daybook. Including Ten Things You Would Never Guess About Me and Confessions of a Wallflower Trying to Do Social Media. They’re pretty raw and unfiltered, so be nice.

4 comments

  1. Alright, how’s everybody? Good! Good! Good! Now, as your father probably told you, my name is Kate Symons, and I am a Motivational Speaker! Now, let’s get started by me giving you a little bit of a scenario of what my life is all about! First off, I am a millenial… I am divorced… and I live in a van down by the river! Now, you kids are probably saying to yourself, “Now, I’m gonna go out, and I’m gonna get the world by the tail, and wrap it around and put it in my pocket!!” Well, I’m here to tell you that you’re probably gonna find out, as you go out there, that you’re not gonna amount to Jack Squat!!” You’re gonna end up eating a steady diet of government cheese, and living in a van down by the river!

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